We’ve talked before about self confidence and how it’s not something that we can create overnight. We build confidence by being intentional in how we show up in the world. Practices and habits like setting healthy boundaries, making decisions from love instead of fear, and allowing ourselves to be vulnerable are just some of the ways we develop trust in ourselves.
The same goes for how we think and speak about ourselves and others. Our thoughts are things and they have a polarity and energy to them. Like attracts like. This means that whatever you think about, you’ll attract more of. Negativity – whether it’s thoughts in your own head or the words you speak – can be a huge block to feeling confident.
Think about it: are your thoughts largely kind and loving or are you more negative and critical?
When you’re critical towards yourself, it can become like a virus infecting your life. And, it’s not always something you’re completely aware of. Many times people have a vague awareness of their negative self talk, but then they just shove these painful thoughts down and pretend like they don’t exist.
But when we do this, the negativity just ends up running in the background, infecting our lives. When I work with my clients, I find that there tends to be a deep place where we collect ugly thoughts and feelings that we don’t want to deal with. We do this as a way of protecting ourselves – it feels safe. For many, the idea of not having a place to shove undesirable thoughts and feelings feels really scary. But it’s this toxic habit we have to break.
Judging other people is another negative pattern that blocks our confidence. When you judge someone else, it really says nothing about them – but says a whole lot about you. It’s a manifestation of your own insecurities, and it’s very harmful.
Being negative and critical keeps your vibration low and it’s really hard to be happy in this place. For some people, talking about others becomes a way to connect with peers. They develop camaraderie around gossiping about and making fun of other people.
I know because this is the energy I lived in for a long time, and it feels really crappy. It wasn’t easy, and it took some time working with my coach and getting really honest with myself to unearth the negativity I had buried. But once I became aware of what was really going on, in my own head as well as how I interacted with others, my life changed. Over time, I learned to be more deliberate in how I show up. I have become much more compassionate and kind with myself. I also stopped getting caught up in gossip and negativity with other people.
Check in with yourself and he honest:
- Is there something blocking your ability to feel truly good about yourself?
- Do you gossip or make fun of others to mask your own bad feelings?
- Are you suppressing negative self talk?
- Are you kind to yourself or overly critical?
This can be hard work, and the truth is that the questions above only just scratch the surface. If you have a question or need some support, know that you can always reach out to me at Kelly@kellymahercoaching.com.