Today I’m sharing a bit of my journey with you, in hopes that it will help you feel less alone in yours.
For me, the greatest block to total self-love is my body image and weight. My journey with this pretty much started the day I was born. I weighed 12 lbs. Yep, you read that right. And by the way, my mother had me naturally too. (In honor of Mother’s Day…Mom you’re my hero and I love you beyond words!)
So, being “big” became engrained in who I was from the very beginning. I remember being told in kindergarten that I needed to lose weight and go on a diet. I WAS 5 YEARS OLD. And pretty much all I heard was that there was something wrong with me and my body, and I needed to change and be something different to be ok.
I went through years of being teased, picked on and bullied for how I looked. And all of this created a pattern of beliefs within me that my happiness and self-worth were linked to the size of my body. Can you relate to any of this?
Even if this isn’t your exact story or issue, most of us have a similar story.
I’m grateful and proud to say I’ve done the work on this. I’ve done the digging, investigating and fixing. And with such a sense of love for myself, I’ve cleared most of the “gunk” and have been able to move into a place of nurturing and loving and nourishing my body. And it has felt amazing.
That was until a few weeks ago.
Here’s what happened. I have the honor of being in one of my best friend’s weddings this summer. And while I’m so beyond excited to be a part of this day…it’s also brought up those remaining “being big” insecurities lurking in the depths, which still need to be healed.
Instead of going into self-love and remembering the truth of who I am, I found myself fixating on the imperfections of my physical body. I instantly started panicking that I needed to lose 20 lbs to be worthy and accepted at my friend’s wedding.
So, what I really want to share is that being on a journey to self-love isn’t linear. It can be messy and all over the place at times. You clear a bunch of gunk, feel great and get to enjoy some smooth sailing for awhile. And then out of nowhere, you hit a bump. And while the bump may be much smaller this time around, it can feel just as painful if not more painful, to work through.
But, the silver lining is that each time you move through a bump, your joy gets deeper and more amplified and the ease and flow of life become greater and greater. This is the beauty of the journey.
It can be hard to move through these experiences as they come up. So, I want to share with you two things I did that really helped me to move through this tough spot:
I got on a call with my coach.
My coach helped remind me to be grateful for this experience. In order for these feelings to be healed, they have to come to the surface. She also reminded me that it’s not about losing weight. Instead, it’s about loving and respecting myself. And that it’s also about total self-acceptance no matter what my body looks like.
If you’re someone who reads my newsletters you know that these are all concepts I talk about regularly, right?! But, I still needed to be reminded. This is what I love about having a coach because when you’re “in it” it’s hard to see clearly for yourself. The best gift you can give yourself is someone to witness your journey and guide you too.
I listened to my intuition.
I love to bike. And I especially love to spin. A cool new spin studio opened in Chicago recently and I’ve always wanted to take one of their classes. But I kept coming up with excuses for not going. Then, finally I just listened to my intuition and signed up. And what started as something for my exterior body became what I needed to embody my authentic self again. I realized in class yesterday that what I really love about spin class is how it makes me feel: strong, courageous and empowered. And I realized that all along, my intuition was telling me what I needed: to be reminded of who I really am and start showing up for life from this place again!
Now, over to you. What do you do to reconnect with yourself when you experience bumps in the road? What activities can you add to your day to help you embody that part of yourself?